A bad chess variant by Gwyndolyn Marchant
FU Chess is a bad variant of chess designed on a whim with no consultation with anybody who even semi-professionally plays chess. It is a bad game and a fun concept that is engineered to produce maximum chaos, while still resembling a somewhat functional game.
FU Chess primarily operates on a series of main deviations from the main game:
Instead of declaring "Check" and "Checkmate" by "Checking" the opposing King, we refer to this as "Pog" and "Poggers" and "Pogging." There is no sensible reason for this. The extra win condition, performed by moving a Regent across the board, is referred at as "Pogging Your Gourd Out"
The Regent moves like a Pawn, and is represented by a Pawn with a piece of twine2 tied around it. Because they move like a pawn, this includes only being able to move forward and take pieces diagonally. Honestly, it's not a very good piece. I wouldn't really move them, if i were you.
If the King dies and the Regent is somehow still on the board, they become the new King, with all the powers that entails.
If a Regent manages to cross the board and hit the back row, their player wins the game.
The Queen operates as usual for a game of Chess, however unlike regular Chess where the Queen begins next to the King, in FU Chess the regular Pawns are all replaced with Queens. This is extremely chaotic and generally considered a bad idea.
The Queen possesses a new move that she performs upon reaching the far side of the board. When the Queen hits the back row1, she becomes a Peg, and no longer carries any features of a Queen.
Example: White King is at g8 after castling.
Black moves a Queen from d6 to f8 and takes the Rook. She immediately becomes a Peg, and is now immobile.
Normally in Chess, the Queen would now be checking the King, but because it is now a Peg, the King is safe.
The last Queen on your side upgrades to a Girlboss, which follows all rules of a Queen (including Pegging) plus may move like a knight.
The Peg is an immobile piece that cannot move. 3 It can be captured like any other piece.
Essentially, a Peg is like a Pawn that is locked in the back row and cannot come out, and cannot become any other piece. Thus it is represented with a Pawn.
The King works pretty much the same as normal. She does have one small change, which is that when she dies she passes her crown4 to the Regent, if they're still alive.
Before beginning FU Chess, agree with your play partner as to whether you will be playing with Noble or Selfish Kings. A Selfish King operates like in regular Chess, and must always be protected. A Noble King, however, may sacrifice herself if you still have a Regent. She may move into pog at will, remain there, and the other player is not obligated to take her.
Example: Poggers on black King at d1.
Black Regent at e3 5 becomes new King. Yeehaw!
The King is able to Castle on both her and her Regent's side. If the Regent has not moved from their starting spot and the crown is passed to them, then as the New King she is able to Castle on the Regent's side.
Thanks to Princess Grace for working on this with me! Check out her digital implementation of FU Chess coming soon! Thanks to Bear Lastname for coming up with terminology around Queen pegging. Thank you Avery Crimes for assisting me with playtesting!
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.
It sure is a game!
Added further explanation to Regent-related mechanics, such as castling, and an absurd new win condition.
Finished writing the rules for FU Chess, ready to playtest.